Toob Boobs
It is amazing how you can get so stressed trying to do something that is supposed to be relaxing.
Yesterday, Elizabeth, Zach, Sarah, Stan , and I went to Gruene to go “toobing” on the Guadalupe River. Gruene is right next to New Braunfels. Both of these little towns were settled by Germans in the 1840′s. If you are picturing flat, dusty, Texas ranching communities–you’re way off. Both towns are deep in the Central Texas Hill Country. They have historic, town square type centers and are known, for BBQ, antiques, tubing on the river, among other things. Anyway, we thought it would take 40 minutes or so and there would be a little sign for Rockin R and that would be it. Stan and I were in his new truck, while Zach, Sarah and eLiz were in a car. As soon as we get to New Braunfels a wreck ties up I-35 and we lose each other. About an hour later, Stan and I make it to Rockin R in New Braunfels but alas cannot tube. A young Rockin’ R employee greets us at the parking lot, “Aye yo, like y’all can’t be toobin’ today cuz like, all dem toobs be rented, yo.” But fortunately it was still cool to get tubes in Gruene, just a few minutes away. But we had no clue where the rest of our crew was. After driving all ’round tarnation, Stan and I head to Gruene thinking maybe our peeps have beat us. No dice. We pay $10 just to look around Rockin’s parking lot but couldn’t find the Altima. I did see a car with a Kentucky license plate from Fayette County (Lexington). I was shocked to see a Kentucky Wildcats sticker on it. Imagine that! Stan and I are bummed and contemplating heading back to Austin at this point. But on the way out of Gruene we spot our comrades and our toobing adventure would soon be on.
After buying more beer (nothing like Tecate in cans, with lime, while floating on the river) we were set. This stretch of Guadalupe is beautiful. The sun was blazing, there were hundreds of other toobers out. In fact, a newly married couple had their post-wedding festivities on the river. Pretty much the only law of the river is that you cannot bring bottles. Yes, there are actually police officers at various points along the shore and they will supposedly come after you on a raft if you are breaking this one sacred rule. But after an hour of cruising down the river at a speed of about .000001 miles per hour, I can see why this stuff is so popular. I found myself with a Tecate in one hand, some tasty, cheesy Goldfish in the other thinking, “It don’t get any better than this.” Straight out of a beer commerical. Our river rat adventure ended about 4 hours after setting off. Rockin R had a classic yellow school bus waiting for us. It totally felt like summer camp or something. The highlight of the trip back to Rockin R’s was when some crazy chick in the back of the bus starts getting up in some dude’s grill, screaming obscenities and something about respect. The whole front of the bus starts chanting “Jer–ry, Jer-ry, Jer-ry!” Lovely. Not that our group would engage is such low-brow activities or anything. We head up the hill to downtown Gruene for some BBQ and find a nice little joint right next to the famous Gruene Hall, Texas’ first dance hall. We scarfed some brisket, sausage and chicken and then headed back home. Sarah and I got sick later in the evening. Not sure if it was from the food or just being in the sun all day and then gorging on food. At any rate, I was praying to the porcelain god and had the chills and stuff. Sucked. But feel fine today and overall our toobin’ adventure was a blast. Can’t wait to go back!